The sum of us can be more powerful (and fun) than one of us… sometimes. The confounding thing is exactly how we make it happen.

Even when we have a strong desire to collaborate, we are  likely bump up against into each other because, as in love,  good intentions don’t always lead to mutually satisfying behavior. Yet, as in love and friendship, the togetherness of collaboration is where our most meaningful moments in life often happen. We have the opportunity to either step away or stay steadfast in creating something greater than we can alone. Sometimes we can even savor the bumpy moments along the way. What’s your favorite quote for collaborating? Here’s some ideas.

“Independence is a political concept, not a biological concept.” ~ Margaret Wheatley

“Maybe we are not here to see each other but to see each other through” ~ anonymous

“We are moving from sharing to cooperation to collective action.” ~ Clay Shirky

“If you want to have great partnerships, be a great partner. Get beyond yourself. Give up the notion that you are well-rounded, and stop expecting your colleagues to be universally proficient. Incorporate someone else’s motivations into your view of the accomplishment. Loosen up.

Put aside your competitive nature, your prepackaged view of how the thing should be done, and your desire not to be inconvenienced with the imperfections of a fellow human being. Focus more on what you do for the partnership than what you get from it. Demonstrate trust and see if they don’t surprise you with their trustworthiness. Be slower to anger and quicker to forgive. And along the way, communicate continuously.” ~ Rodd Wagner and Gale Muller

“A radically different order of society based on open access, decentralized creativity, collaborative intelligence, and cheap and easy sharing is ascendant.” ~ David Bollier

“Lots of people want to ride with you in the limo, but what you want is someone who will take the bus with you when the limo breaks down.” ~ Oprah Winfrey

“We live in two worlds – order and chaos.  In the world of order, we plan, reflect, and think about what to do next.  In the world of chaos, things happen, we get things done, yet unpredictability persists.   In one world, we like to think we are in control.  In the other, we mingle together with increasing complexity, conflict, and uncertainty.” ~ David Spangler

“How much you groom somebody else is more important than who grooms you.” ~ Robert Sapolsky

“I am continually impressed by the inconsistency of sustained attention in relationships.  Partners complain about this all the time, and kids probably would too if they could. ‘We’ have evolved with the capacity to attend to each other, but it’s not exactly dominant in our lives. Imagine a world where it was!” ~ Thomas Bradbury

“Assumptions are the termites of relationships.” ~ Henry Winkler

“If we are to live together in peace, we must come to know each other better.” ~ Lyndon Johnson

“A person wrapped up in himself makes a small package.” ~ Harry Emerson Fosdick

“Only connect! That was the whole of her sermon. Only connect, the prose and the passion, and both will be exalted, and human love will be seen at its height. Live in fragments no longer. Only connect.” ~ E.M. Forrester

“Daily life is foreplay for relationships.” ~ Kate Feldman

“Structure influences behavior. Design spaces that make you feel “you are welcome here and that you came to the right place.” ~ Peter Block

“Safety is a basic human need.  People with a sense of security and belonging are stabilized for learning, creating, innovating. A group of wonderfully cared for, confident individuals generates great ideas.”  ~ John Sweeney

“Conflict is inevitable, but combat is optional.” ~ Max Lucade

“Our model of what it was to be present to each other, we thought we liked that,” she said. “But it turns out that time shifting is our most valued product. This new technology is about control. Emotional control and time control.” ~ Sherry Turkel

“Bad collaboration is worse than no collaboration. Working across organizational values can create tremendous value or destroy it – the hoarding and squabbling endemic in large companies can actually make collaboration more expensive than not attempting it.” ~ Morten T. Hansen

“Human beings are wired to care and give and it’s probably our best route to happiness.” ~ Dacher Keltner

“Dissent is the cousin of diversity; the respect for a wide range of beliefs. This begins by allowing people the space to say “no”. If we cannot say “no” then our “yes” has no meaning. Each needs the chance to express their doubts and reservations, without having to justify them, or move quickly into problem solving. No is the beginning of the conversation for commitment.” ~ Peter Block

“Groups need both carrot and stick-based rules to remain stable.” ~ Robert Axelrod

“We need to look at front porches as crime fighting tools, treat picnics as public health efforts and see choral groups as occasions of democracy. We will become a better place when assessing social capital impact becomes a standard part of decision-making.” ~ Lew Feldstein

“Consequential strangers help us stretch beyond the relatively rigid boxes that the people who have known us the longest – our family and close friends – often put us into. Through interacting with people who do not know us as well, we are more free to experiment with ourselves, and less likely to have our new behaviors and roles reflected back to us by people who object, ‘But that’s not like you!’” ~ Melinda Blau and Karen L. Fingerman

“Collaboration is more about find that sweet spot of mutual interest and understanding and being understood, than it is about speak well.” ~ Kare Anderson

“From American Idol to The Matrix participatory media – where old and new media converge by involving fans – is influencing our culture by creating new forms of interactive storytelling. Yet by enabling people to participate in such various media they can converge as a crowd to alter the story to create new modes of engagement, some not necessarily endorsed by the creator – or the brands that back them.” ~ Henry Jenkins

“In the long history of humankind…those who learned to collaborate and improvise most effectively have prevailed.” ~ Charles Darwin

“Effective collaboration is about maximizing time, talent and tools to create value. The old way was the pass-along approach. I do my job and then pass along my work product to you. You do your piece of it and pass it along to somebody else.” ~ Evan Rosen

“Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves.”  ~ Carl Jung

“Diverse groups of problem solvers outperformed the groups of the best individuals at solving complex problems. The reason: the diverse groups got stuck less often than the smart individuals, who tended to think similarly.” ~ Scott E. Page

“Open, frank communication is the lynchpin to teamwork. A fractured team is like a fractured bone; fixing it is always painful and sometimes you have to re-break it to heal it fully – and the re-break always hurts more because it is intentional.” ~ Patrick Lencioni

“If you understood everything I said, you’d be me.” ~ Miles Davis

“Groups become more extreme and entrenched in their beliefs and polarized from others when members only exchange information that reinforces their views and filter out all else or never learn of alternatives. Thus they narrow their options, and magnify each other’s prejudices and misconceptions. This trend leads to blind spots in decision making and to extreme behavior, even terrorism.” ~ Cass Sunstein

“Being in a band is always a compromise. Provided that the balance is good, what you lose in compromise, you gain by collaboration.” ~ Mike Rutherford

“Some of the power has shifted from companies to people. Using social media tools (blogs, wikis, tagging, etc.) more individuals are creating semi-spontaneous ‘groundswells’ of opinions to which companies and other institutions are realizing they must respond.  From marketing to consumers organizations are being pulled into engaging with individuals.” ~ Charlene Li

“No idea will work if people don’t trust your intentions toward them.” ~ Marcus Buckingham

“Who is giving the orders to ants? No one. They are self-organizing. Each of our immune systems get smarter over the years as its biochemical parts share information, and it responds with individualized defenses, but it isn’t conscious and it has no memory. The host of that party didn’t decree that everyone would gather in the kitchen, but it happened anyway. Emergence means we sometimes act in concert for better or worse.” ~ Steven Johnson

“Trust is the glue that holds relationships together.” ~ Price Pritchett

“In an improv group and a successful work team, the members play off one another, each person’s contributions providing the spark for the next. Together, the improvisational team creates a novel emergent product, one that’s more responsive to the changing environment. “ ~ Keith Sawyer

“Human beings are to independent action, what cats are to swimming. We can do it if we really have to, but mostly we don’t… Instead, we do what we do because of what those around us are doing (Whatever our minds and our cultures tell us). It is our innate nature as “herd” animals that cause mass movements, not the influence of a handful of influential individuals.” ~ Mark Earls

“Be more interested than interesting.” ~ Mark Goulston

“Hot groups have members who are task-obsessed and full of passion. They share a style which is “intense, sharply focused, and full bore. Members feel engaged in an important, even vital and personally ennobling mission; their task dominates all other considerations; and although such intense teams tend to remain intact only for a relatively short period of time, that time is remembered nostalgically and in considerable detail by its members.” ~ J. Lipman-Blumen and H. Leavitt

“For productive collaboration adopt five principles: involve the relevant stakeholders, build consensus phase by phase, design a process map, designate a process facilitator and harness the power of group memory.” ~ David Straus and Thomas C. Layton

“You can discover more about a person in an hour of play than in a year of conversation.” ~ Plato

“Trafficking organizations these days take the form of decentralized networks that shift continuously, assuming new configurations as opportunities present themselves and then morphing again to meet the needs of the next moment. They don’t specialize in a single commodity like cocaine. Instead, they move whatever goods present an opportunity for profit in the present moment; drugs today, arms tomorrow, people the next day and then knock-off designer handbags after that. Yet government agencies’ understanding of the organizational structure of international trafficking networks is dangerously out of date. They go after the illicit trades as if they had a hierarchical structure with information and power flowing up and down a chain of command.” ~ Moises Naim

“If your friend’s friend’s friend (whom you may not have even met) is obese, a smoker or a zealot of some kind then it is a lot more likely that you will be too.” ~ James H. Fowler

“Hackman’s paradox: Groups have natural advantages: they have more resources than individuals; greater diversity of resources; more flexibility in deploying the resources; many opportunities for collective learning; and, the potential for synergy. Yet studies show that their actual performance often is subpar relative to “nominal” groups (i.e. individuals given the same task but their results are pooled.) The two most common reasons: groups are assigned work that is better done by individuals or are structured in ways that cap their full potential.” ~ Richard Hackman

“The best advice for parents is not to shelter their children from the suffering in the world, and to engage them in doing something to get involved.” ~ Marc Keilburger

“Some of us cry when we watch sad movies or wince when we see athletes fall. This sense of shared experience is at the core of human experience. Because our brain has mirror neurons, we are capable of interpreting facial expressions of pain or joy, the first step towards feeling empathy, which causes an instinctively imitative response – the chameleon effect. That ‘mirroring’ response enables two people to literally see they are more alike in that moment.  That similarity evokes familiarity and thus a feeling of comfort that can lead to mutual trust with others.  When these mirror neurons do not work an individual may not be aware of another’s feelings and thus act in socially incorrect ways.” ~ Marco Iacoboni

“All for one, one for all.” ~ Alexander Dumas

“There are three stages of organizational development in this networked era. 1. Fortress – an organization where there are insiders and outsiders, and the two rarely meet or interact; 2. Transactional – an organization that is engaged with their community, but with the sole focus of transactions, such as getting people to sign up for an event or make a donation; and 3. Transparent – an organization that fully engages and empowers their community to accomplished shared goals.” ~ Beth Kanter and Allison Fine

“Many ideas grow better when transplanted into another mind than in the one where they sprung up.” ~ Oliver Wendell Holmes, Sr.

“The world you inhabit is the world you make. Your reputation precedes you, biasing the way new colleagues deal with you. Your first moves, friendly or hostile, tip the balance for future interactions. When you exhibit trust, you will most often find trustworthiness. When you are selfish, you will most often find selfishness. When you compete, others must resort to competition. If you choose to play the game strictly for your own advantage, your attempts at collaboration will indeed be, (as Thomas Hobbes said), ‘solitary, poor, nasty, brutish, and short.’” ~ Rodd Wagner and Gale Muller

“Let all humanity be your sect.” ~ Sikh saying

A sign of the growing popularity of all kinds of collaboration is the growing number of books on some aspect of the topic.  What are your favorites? Here are some I’ve come across:

Alone Together: Sociable Robots, Digitized Friends, and the Reinvention of Intimacy and Solitude by Sherry Turkle.

The Big Sort: Why the Clustering of Like-Minded American is Tearing Us Apart by Bill Bishop.

Bursts: The Hidden Pattern Behind Everything We Do by Albert-Laszlo Barabasi.

The Cathedral and the Bazaar by Eric Raymond.

Collaboration: How Leaders Avoid the Traps, Create Unity, and Reap Big Results by Morten T. Hansen.

Community: The Structure of Belonging by Peter Block

The Complexity of Cooperation: Agent-Based Model by Robert Axelrod.

Connected: The Surprising Power of Our Social Networks and How They Shape Our Lives by Nicholas A. Christakis and James H. Fowler.

Consensus Through Conversation: How to Achieve High-Commitment Decisions by Larry Dressler.

Convergence Culture: Where Old and New Media Collide by Henry Jenkins.

Creating a Culture of Collaboration: The International Association of Facilitators Handbook by Sandy Schuman.

Critical Mass: How One Thing Leads to Another by Philip Ball.

Crowdsourcing: Why the Power of the Crowd Is Driving the Future of Business by Jeff Howe.

The Culture of Collaboration by Evan Rosen.

Emergence: The Connected Lives of Ants, Brains, Cities, and Software by Steven Johnson.

Enterprise 2.0: New Collaborative Tools for Your Organization’s Toughest Challenges by Andrew McAfee.

The Evolution of Cooperation by Robert Axelrod.

The Five Dysfunctions of a Team: A Leadership Fable by Patrick Lencioni.

The Hidden Power of Social Networks: Understanding How Work Really Gets Done in Organizations by Robert L. Cross.

Going to Extremes: How Like Minds Unite and Divide by Cass R. Sunstein.

Groundswell: Winning in a World Transformed by Social Technologies by Charlene Li.

Group Genius: The Creative Power of Collaboration by Keith Sawyer.

Herd: How to Change Mass Behaviour by Harnessing Our True Nature by Mark Earls.

Here Comes Everybody: The Power of Organizing Without Organizations by Clay Shirky.

Hot Groups: Seeding Them, Feeding Them, and Using Them to Ignite Your Organization by J. Lipman-Blumen and J. & H. Leavitt.

How to Make Collaboration Work: Powerful Ways to Build Consensus, Solve Problems, and Make Decisions by David Strauss and Thomas C. Layton.

How to Make Meetings Work by Michael Doyle and David Strauss.

Illicit: How Smugglers, Traffickers, and Copycats are Hijacking the Global Economy by Moises Naim.

Infotopia: How Many Minds Produce Knowledge by Cass R. Sunstein.

Leading Teams: Setting the Stage for Great Performances by J. Richard Hackman.

Linked: How Everything Is Connected to Everything Else and What It Means by Albert-Laszlo Barabasi.

Me to We: Finding Meaning in a Material World by Craig Kielburger and Marc Kielburger.

Micromotives and Macrobehavior by Thomas Schelling.

Mirroring People: The New Science of How We Connect with Others by Marco Iacoboni.

Mirrors in the Brain: How Our Minds Share Actions, Emotions, and Experience by Giacomo Rizzolatti, Corrado Sinigaglia and Frances Anderson.

The Networked Nonprofit: Connecting with Social Media to Drive Change by Beth Kanter and Allison Fine.

New Tech, New Ties: How Mobile Communication Is Reshaping Social Cohesion by Rich Ling.

The Neuroscience of Fair Play: Why We (Usually) Follow the Golden Rule by Donald W. Pfaff and Edward O. Wilson.

Nexus: Small Worlds and the Groundbreaking Theory of Networks by Mark Buchanan.

Organizing Genius – The Secrets of Creative Collaboration by Warren Bennis.

Overcoming the Five Dysfunctions of a Team: A Field Guide for Leaders, Managers, and Facilitators by Patrick Lencioni.

The Power of Pull: How Small Moves, Smartly Made, Can Set Big Things in Motion by John Hagel III, John Seely Brown and Lang Davison.

The 17 Essential Qualities of a Team Player: Becoming the Kind of Person Every Team Wants by John C. Maxwell.

Six Degrees: The Science of a Connected Age by Duncan J. Watts.

Smart Mobs: The Next Social Revolution by Howard Rheingold.

Smart World: Breakthrough Creativity And the New Science of Ideas by Richard Ogle.

Social Intelligence: The New Science of Human Relationships by Daniel Goleman.

The Starfish and the Spider: The Unstoppable Power of Leaderless Organizations by Ori Brafman and Rod A. Beckstrom.

Team of Rivals: The Political Genius of Abraham Lincoln by Doris Kearns Goodwin.

Tribes: We Need You to Lead Us by Seth Godin.

Trust Agents by Chris Brogan and Julien Smith.

Turning to One Another: Simple Conversations to Restore Hope to the Future by Margaret J Wheatley.

Viral Loop: From Facebook to Twitter, How Today’s Smartest Businesses Grow Themselves by Adam L. Penenberg.

The Wealth of Networks: How Social Production Transforms Markets and Freedom by Yochai Benkler.

Why Teams Don’t Work by Harvey Robbins and Michael Finley.

Wikinomics: How Mass Collaboration Changes Everything by Don Tapscott and Anthony D. Williams.

The Wisdom of Crowds by James Surowiecki.

The Wisdom of Teams: Creating the High-Performance Organization by Jon Katzenbach and Douglas K. Smith.

X-teams: How to Build Teams That Lead, Innovate and Succeed by Deborah Ancona and Henrik Bresman.

Most of us will spend less in 2009.  Much less. And use coupons. Many will seek reliable 

recommendations when we do. If that’s true for you, check out this service. Ever see something a friend bought and want to get it too? Before you buy something online, see reviews from others in a trusted online community. If you are proud of what you sell online, then sell more by enabling prospective buyers to

 see your customers’ opinions.  That’s the business model of George Eberstadt’s startup network, TurnTo. 

How does his firm make money? “When a user sees a ‘trusted reference’ on one of our partner sites and then goes on to purchase we get a small commission on that purchase.”

Some trend forecasters cast this as part of  the new normal social shopping. No, not the usual “does it look good on me?” kind of face-to-face group wisdom activity. Yet this online way to compare shopping recommendations may help us wade through this precarious economy.

BenMark thinks,  “The service is particularly well-suited to ticket and events ecommerce…someone can go online and see what concert their friend is going to, and then buy tickets to that same show.”

 Several sites are competing for the chance to make us smarter shoppers, able to get  better bargains.

I started this blog soon after The Age of Engagement morphed into a flood of 

ideas on how “we” can accomplish more together. Here are the books I’ve mentioned and authors I have interviewed. Crowdsourcing (Jeff Howe), Here Comes Everybody Clay  Shirky), groundswell (Charlene

 Li), Emergence (Steven Johnson), Six Degrees (Duncan Watts), Herd (Mark Earls) Pull (Pamela Walker Laird), Wikinomics (Don Tapscott), Culture of Collaboration (Evan Rosen),  Kindness in a Cruel World (Nigel Barber),  Cultural Creatives (Sherry Anderson and Paul Ray), The Wisdom of Crowds (James Surowiecki), Connected  (Daniel Altman), Convergence Culture (Henry Jenkins), The Black Swan (Nassim Nicholas Taleb), Consensus Conversation Larry Dressler), Infotopia (Cass Sunstein), A Whole New Mind (Dan Pink), The Starfish and the Spider (Ori Brafman), Spiritual Partner Support Groups (Susan Page), Predictably Irrational (Dan Ariely), Turning to One Another (Margaret Wheatley), Nexus (Mark Buchanan), Linked (Albert Laszlo Barabasi), A Rulebook for Arguments (Anthony Weston), The Neuroscience of Fair Play (Donald Pfaff), On Being Certain (Robert Burton),  The Argument Culture (Deborah Tannen), Who’s Driving the Purpose-Driven Church? (Rick Warren),  Be the Media (Peter Broderick), The Future of Reputation (Daniel Solove),  Smart Mobs (Howard Rheingold), The Way We’ll Be (John Zogby), Walk Your Talk (Kare Anderson), Multiplicity (Rita Carter), Tribes (Seth Godin), Authentic Happiness (Martin Seligman),  The Back of the Napkin (Dan Roam), My Startup Life (Ben Casnocha), New Tech, New Ties (Rich Ling), Get Slightly Famous (Steven Van Yoder),  Johnny Bunko (Dan Pink), Send (David Shipley and Will Schwalbe), Personality not included (Rohit Bhargava), Innovation Killer (Cynthia Rabe), Sway (Ori and Rom Brafman), Who’s Your City? (Richard Florida), Me to We (Marc and Craig Kielburger), The Brain That Changes Itself (Norman Doidge), Now Discover Your Strengths (Marcus Buckingham), Why Good Things Happen to Good People (Stephen Post, Jill Neimark and Otis Moss), Compassion in Action (Ram Dass), The No Asshole Rule (Bob Sutton), Nudge (Richard Thaler and Cass Sunstein), The Spiral Staircase (Karen Armstrong), The Lucifer Effect (Phil Zimbardo), Freakonomics (Stephen Dubner and Steven Levitt), The Tipping Point (Malcolm Gladwell), Life’s Golden Ticket (Brendon Burchard) and Team of Rivals (Doris Kearns Goodwin).

Obama faced that quandry. Are your customers revolting? What’s your organization’s reputation… really? Alternatively, how can you inspire customers to improve your product, brag about it to others and otherwise help you become the top-of-mind choice in your market?

Get ideas from the co-author of the most talked-about book on “tapping into the power of customers connecting with one another” – using the right social media tools.  Charlene Li shares her insights on this exciting and uncontrollable power shift.  Also, hear her co-author, Josh Bernoff’s interview with Guy Kawasaki. Whether you are an entrepreneur, executive or cause advocate, bet these ten reasons will motivate you to get the book, Groundswell. Now she’s embarked on the next chapter of her life story.

… what attendees are saying about their presentation – in real time, no less?
You better pay attention to what that crowd in front of you may be silently texting to each other, according to one thoughtful social media thought leader, Rohit Bhargava. In fact, he gives six reasons why you should follow the Twitter conversation in your audience. And, he advises you, to “monitor that stream of Twitter conversations” at the event, use Twemes.

Whew! Imagine if you are on a panel, listening to the panelist who’s speaking before you. Would you be madly tracking and responding to what the audience is saying? Would you modify your panel presentation? Would you alert attendees to your willingness to respond to their comments? That might motivate them to text all the more furiously with “final” thoughts. Are you sure? Even an uber-geek can goof up sometimes with this new two-way conversation.

The rippling stream of conversation could turn into rushing tsunami waves. Bad metaphor, I know, as this phenomena is simultaneously multi-directional. (Now some – not all – meeting planners who reading are this are hanging their heads in despair over the inevitable chaos, the lack of control.) Recall the audience mutiny?

Boomer that I am, I maintain that real time interaction via texting is not helpful for all conferences. It depends on the demographics of the audience. For example ….

1. Are they social media tech-savvy (or social media fatigued)?
2. Is your topic related to the use of social media?
3. Does the audience skew young or is it mostly boomers and older?
4. Can you handle real-time feedback? That is, can you ….

• Read an individual’s comment(s) or,

• More intensely still, track a “thread” of comments from attendees

• Respond to their comments or questions

…. all without losing your train of thought?

It’s not just a matter of ability to concentrate, remember and think well on your feet. Multitasking reduces our performance ability, per some studies. Yes, I admit, as a social media-loving, tech-goof over-50, I am a bit defensive. So here’s tips to tweak your Twittering at conferences and elsewhere. If it does improve (a big if) then Twittering will spread. Or audience attendees and others will simply continue their conversations at Pownce or Jaiku. Either way I’ll struggle to catch up.

Yet for the tech-savvy and the non-geeks reading this, Rohit’s book is an idea-packed must-read for burnishing your brand and staying authentic: Personality not included. Then follow-up with Charlene Li and Josh Bernoff’s excellent, Groundswell: Winning in a World Transformed by Social Technologies.

(Wondering what social media is? Commoncraft literally shows you in four minutes.) For more ideas for making meetings interactive see these posts.